9:42 AM

A month ago, Off the Page, a ministry for questioning or post-Christian millennials, invited me to write for their blog. I'm hoping it develops into a more regular thing. Here's my first post, on risking agnosticism:

"For most of my life, I begged God to take away my doubts about Christianity. The more I begged, the more I experienced silence, abandonment, and finally, nothingness. I felt the nonexistence of God. 
I self-diagnosed myself with agnosticism after that encounter with nonexistence.
By “agnostic” I mean I had no idea what was or was not true about God, if he did exist. I quit seeking a relationship with God. I went to church only to save face and to save myself in case God happened to be real and ready to throw me in hell for abandoning him. 
Unlike many Christian kids, I wasn’t agnostic because of hypocritical Christians, or because I experienced the problem of evil firsthand, or because I was angry with God. I just didn’t think Christianity made sense. I went to a conservative college, majored in Christian studies, sat under brilliant, devout minds (living and dead), and concluded that Christianity didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense within itself, within Scripture, or within reality. Agnosticism wasn’t a choice. It was a fact, a logical conclusion, an inevitability that I was left to sort out. 
But I didn’t want to choose agnosticism. I wanted to choose Christianity. Why wouldn’t I? I was a Christian. But I couldn’t choose Christianity in good conscience. The Christianity I knew taught me not to trust the desires of my heart but instead to accept the truth. But what if the truth wasn’t Christianity?" Read the rest here. 
p.s. I graduated college, got married, and am currently residing in the middle of nowhere while my husband works as a research assistant. Stay tuned on blog updates! :)

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6 impressions

  1. Welcome back! And what a post to come back with. Wow. Let me be the first to say I am delighted and not too terribly surprised (but a little surprised, yes :-) ) at the place you have come to on your spiritual journey . . . so far. I look forward to continuing to read your often changing and always interesting thoughts and perspectives on your blog or wherever else you get published. Congratulations on writing for Off the Page! And graduating college! And getting married! I look forward to more updates.

    Best wishes,

    1. Thanks, Adele! Boy oh boy, have I changed a TON. :) I'm excited to hear your thoughts on all these new changes. ;)

  2. Gosh, I love your article! Well done, Bailey. Favourite line being about the rocks. Talk about mind-blowing stuff. And how awesome is it to have friends with more faith in you than you have for yourself? I think people like that are proof of God's existence.

    Congratulations on being MARRIED!! If you want to indulge a random you barely know from a bar of soap, I would LOVE to see photos! (is that creepy? Wanting to see wedding photos from online acquaintances? Yes? Maybe? I'm weird. I blame the coffee I'm currently drinking).

    1. I totally follow random wedding blogs just to see photos of happily married couples. ;) Photos will be up as soon as I get them!!

  3. Bailey, as always I feel like you take my thoughts and put them down on a page. I could have written this, and I completely understand what you mean...about how labels of agnosticism and christianity simultaneously fit. I started down the path of "doubts" because I have faith. And I'm still waiting for that rock to stub my toe... but I'm not too worried because truth is true and will be true. Great writing. I'm so excited for you congrats on the marriage. Keep kickin ass, lady! :)

  4. So glad to see you "back at it"! :)

    Congrats on your marriage!! I was thinking of you last weekend. I think Bailey's getting married tomorrow… Cause I'm creepy and I remember random dates. :)

    And I loved your post! Thanks for sharing, and I'm excited to hear more!


Hit me with your best thought! I'm very interested in your unique perspective. If you'd like to discuss things in private, feel free to email me! :)