Quick Note on Content9:00 AM
|Yet another library book I haven't finished . . .|
I've noticed. I've watched myself post fewer and fewer of my deepest thoughts. I'm trying to figure out why.
1. It's easier to write about dating and share the story of my life.
2. I'm honestly super excited about this new stage in my life and all the fun little challenges it brings -- de-clogging drains included.
3. My spiritual life is hanging on by a thread.
Let me elaborate on that last one. I got over my crippling fear that God didn't exist and that I couldn't know truth. It felt like a detox. The poison of doubt got cleansed from my system, leaving behind a quiet, empty heart that stares at God and asks, "Now what?"
I bump into God occasionally. We're acquaintances again, but not lovers. I'm trying to bump into Him more -- listening to Audrey Assad and Sovereign Grace at work, reading fewer lifestyle blogs, opening up to my mentors about what's truly going on, serving at my church.
I don't like being honest about my uneventful spiritual life that would disappoint anybody who still looks up to me. I don't like admitting that sometimes I feel quite content working my sweet job, binge-watching Once Upon a Time with my housemate, and planning out big things for my life without once thinking of God. Now you know.
I'm in love with life and the many good things God created and gave me. I'm a little bewildered at how to enjoy these good things and still enjoy God supremely. It's easier to love the things I see and touch, so I tend to err on that side of worldliness.
I'm also frustrated with how to move forward. I feel backed into a corner with my spiritual life, afraid to explore the questions I still have, afraid to pursue God in the ways I think He's calling me, afraid to disappoint people as I change and grow -- my family, my friends back home, even you, dear readers. My circle of once-admirers and closest friends aren't quite sure what to make of my new wardrobe, attitude, mores, and opinions. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to make of myself either.
Anyways, I'm nervous to write on the million things I'm thinking about. Until I work up the courage, you'll get more lifestyle posts. Enjoy. :)