What You Don't Need to Be to Get a Guy8:00 AM
I played my friend's love interest in Almost, Maine. Naturally, his girlfriend and my boyfriend
dressed up matching and sat with each other during the show.
So glad I'm not competing for this cute guy's attention. :)
A little (male) bird told me that I was the freshman girl to get. Back when I wore vestiges of homeschool fashion and no makeup, thought all passionate and naive, and had emotional breakdowns every other day, I was popular with the guys. This makes me feel better about myself -- not, really, that all my guy friends at one time or other wanted to ask me out, but because it proves I knew what I was talking about when I suspected I had boy drama. See? I wasn't exaggerating.
It doesn't flatter me that all of my guy friends liked me because (1) none of them asked me out and (2) my current image with the guys varies between She doesn't exist to us because she's already taken and Holy bananas, I would never date that clingy, obnoxious, weepy, complicated girl.
You know, someday I want to write a bitter diatribe about how most guys ignore dating girls. We bear a scarlet letter on our breast reading, Focus on the single girl sitting next to her. I suppose men want to protect themselves from hearing mushy gush about how awesome our boyfriends are.
All of these guys who lucked out on a purgatorial dating relationship with me are now all married or dating. In fact, it seems like all the rising seniors either broke up or got married in the past four years. Facebook is always interesting in the summer.
By referencing all of this irrelevant stuff about my freshman love life, I'm trying to say that it surprises me that I'm dating at all. It surprises me even more when I see all the never-had-a-boyfriend girls. Coincidentally, almost all the wittiest, smartest, most beautiful women on campus are single. I have several theories about this:
(1) Men are intimidated by smart, witty, and beautiful women.
(2) Men have terrible taste in women.
(3) It's fine that women are single, so why am I contemplating these theories?
(4) Being witty, smart, and beautiful is no guarantee and no requirement for getting a guy.
Look at the marriages and relationships around you. Not just the pretty, perfect ones. All of them. What do you see? I see a cancer-bald, overweight woman whose husband still loves her dearly. A beautiful woman who waited twenty-seven years for the love of her life to come along. A disabled woman who married long after her accident. Shy women. Plain women. Not-really-funny women. Flawed women. Really flawed women. Women who make me wonder how on earth any guy could genuinely fall in love and stay in love with someone like them. And then I look at myself and am so glad loving plain, flawed, boring women is a thing.
Did these men just settle? Not always, probably not ever. Even when surrounded with witty, smart, and beautiful women, guys still go after the girl with whom they fall in love -- even if she's not the prettiest, smartest, or funniest. Even with options, those factors fail to give a girl an edge over another girl.
And that's what I didn't understand about love as a naive single girl. With all my checklists, my attempts to look pretty, my experimentation with different laughs and personality quirks -- none of that mattered with love. Guys walk past women more beautiful, more hilarious, more godly than their wives and girlfriends every day and still stay in love, still stay faithful. No matter how hard you try to make yourself attractive and eligible, the Prince will still fall for his Cinderella -- despite her poverty, her shyness, and her quiet.
This means stop trying. Stop worrying about what's wrong with you. Stop measuring yourself against other women, wondering why your secret crush married her instead of you. A guy not falling in love with you is not your fault and not cause to revisit your cooking skills and character training. When a guy falls in love with a girl, it's not because she's more perfect than you or any other single woman he knows. It's simply because he loves her, pimples, tantrums, and all. You can't compete with that mystery. And you don't want to.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: The next time a moody teenager writes a grumpy Facebook post about her fifteen years of singleness along with an attention-grabbing mutter about Nobody will ever love me, please copy and paste this into the comments. Thank you.
Do you think this is an accurate view of love? Let me hear your thoughts!