Me with Glasses

10:55 AM

I feel self-conscious when I wear glasses. Not in a negative sense. I'm just extremely conscious that a plastic contraption is sitting on my face. It bothers me when the plastic contraption slides even just a teensy bit down my nose. I push it splat against my face. It probably makes me look weird.

The other things glasses makes me self-conscious about is sight in general. My waning eyesight has opened my eyes (har har har) to the unique predicaments of other humans around me.

When I'm talking to someone with glasses, for instance, I sometimes lose track of what they're saying because I'm staring at their glasses: "Do I look as good in glasses as you do? Do I look as goofy in glasses as you do? How blind are you? Are you staring at my glasses thinking the same thing too?"

When I'm talking to someone without glasses, I also lose track of the conversation: "They must have perfect eyesight. I miss perfect eyesight. What is like to see again? I want to see. Life isn't fair. Do I look stupid in glasses?"

And don't get me started about looking at people from awkward angles in order to peer around my frames. That's when I really get self-conscious in the full-blown negative sense. I don't have goggle eyes in real life, I promise!

Ironically, I went through this stage of wanting to wear glasses -- the borderline hipster ones that scream, "I AM SO ACADEMIC MY EYESIGHT CAN'T HANDLE IT." I finally would fit in with all the cool kids. Now, as I sit in philosophy class trying to be so hip, I can't help but notice that hardly anyone wears glasses. Especially not cheap black frames that strayed away from its hipster common ancestor. Hey, they were $9. I couldn't say no.

The optometrist says I need only wear glasses during class and while driving, anytime when I need perfect vision. I think that's a cruel thing to suggest...because I still think of my eyesight as mostly perfect, so I leave my glasses in my room, so I can't see the PowerPoint at random birth control lectures that my friend coaxes me to attend last minute. (It's okay. I didn't want to see some of those slides, anyway.)

I ran home to grab my glasses when my church all of sudden decided to project the song lyrics on the screen. Good thing, too, or I would've been improvising the lyrics hardcore. Also, I needed a three-minute hard run in the spring air. In a maxi skirt. Which I almost tripped on. Broken face, perfect eyesight -- it's a toss up.

The worst thing about glasses is leaving them behind when holding a conversation with a person whose face is more than six inches away (i.e. everybody). They seem distant and warped. I feel disconnected from them and the HD of their pores.

Still, I keep hoping my glasses are just a passing fad and that I really do have great eyesight. I've just tricked myself into seeing poorly because I wanted to look collegiate, yes? Whenever my glasses are on my face, I'm pulling them up and down, up and down, to see clearly, poorly, clearly, poorly. It astonishes me how a blurry scribble turns out to be next week's homework assignment written on the board.

It's miraculous enough that it keeps me entertained all throughout class. An unexpected blessing of glasses, I guess.

Do you wear glasses? No?
What are your pet peeves about them?

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10 impressions

  1. I wear glasses because they help eye strain in the long run, but ironically hurt my eyes when I wear them. I seriously think the optometrist just wanted to make a sale and gave me a false prescription. 0-0

    And what a face! You're adorable in glasses.
    But they are annoying; especially if the so-said optometrist made them a size too big. I'm pretty positive I don't look as stinking cute and collegiate as you do.

    1. I think you've got to wear your glasses a lot to get used to them. They used to bother me SO MUCH, but now I can't even tell when I'm wearing them! I don't actually mind wearing them as much as I lament that I can't see as well without them. Which is silly. I should be super thankful for glasses so that I can see well!

      Actually, you're pretty dang cute in glasses. ;)

  2. Oy vey! This is me to a "t"! I almost had to wear glasses for driving, but the kind guy at the DMV passed me after allowing me to retake the vision test TWICE. ha ha I don't know what that says about our DMV and the state of drivers on the road here in NC...anyhow, I really don't like how I look with glasses, so I rarely wear mine. I keep thinking there's a style of frame out there that is my type, but I have yet to find it. So in the meantime, I make a lot of u-turns, can't see the songs lyrics at my congregation very clearly, and squint to see if someone is smiling or frowning at me from across the room.

    I really should wear them more. Thanks for the laugh and agreeing sighs today, Bailey!

    1. Oh, goodness! That's hysterical! I just convinced myself that the glasses I wear are the right glasses for me....and then try to block out any doubt otherwise. ;) I wanted to wear those big square-ish hipster glasses, but my face is too small and round to look hipster!! I feel your pain. ;)

  3. I got glasses when I was in the third grade. I wore glasses of various styles, shapes, and sizes, but always getting progressively thicker for 7 years until I got to high school and my parents let me get contacts. Then I wore contacts for years and years and I was *bad*. Like, put in a pair of extended wear contacts and leave them in 24-7 for three weeks or more. As an adult I went to an eye doctor who totally freaked me out and said extra capillaries were growing on my eyes due to my ridiculous use of contacts. She would have been fine with my wearing contacts in a more sensible fashion, but I went cold turkey back to glasses and they don't really bother me now unless I'm out in the rain or they fog up when I go inside or something.

    My daughter got glasses in sixth grade and only wore them part-time because she does so much theater stuff. I am guessing this is where you are at right now. When she could no longer see well enough to perform without her glasses, we let her get contacts. I predict that when/if your vision gets bad enough that forgetting your glasses at home is no longer a possibility you will find yourself in contacts pretty quick. In the meantime enjoy your glasses. You do look cute - and smart! ;-)


    1. Contacts scare me! I'm afraid I would be as lazy as your young adult self was and just never take them out. Actually, the real problem might be putting them in in the first place. :P You're probably right, though, that if my eyesight degenerates further and I continue to do more performance gigs, I'll probably bite the bullet and wear contacts. ;)

  4. I've worn glasses all the time (well, except when I'm sleeping :) since I was six. I can't really do anything without them. And I don't really remember much about life B.G. (before glasses). So all of the pet peeves, etc. about glasses don't bother me much.

    I do push my glasses up all the time. When I was in a musical a couple years ago, they kept sliding down my nose during the show until they fell off in the middle of bows. I don't think anyone noticed and we were bowing twice in a row, so I was able to pick them up and put them right back on at the second bow without making a scene.

    I was quite proud of myself.

    1. THAT is called accomplishment. Kudos to you! I laughed at "B.G." :D

  5. This is both really funny and really weird for me to read, because I've worn glasses all my life and my experience is so opposite of yours. I think everyone looks better in glasses. I feel like I'm not myself and I think I look groggy/tired/cranky/puffy/just-got-out-of-bed-and-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing-in-life without my glasses, the way some girls are with makeup. I am completely not conscious of glasses or lack of glasses on people I talk to unless/until someone who wears glasses stops or someone who doesn't starts. I just can't wrap my head around someone being this self-conscious about glasses or this aware of glasses/lack thereof on others. It's like a whole different breed of glasses-wearers.

    Maybe you just need time to get used to glasses. Maybe then you'll cross over into this other world of glasses-wearers?

    1. Wow, that's crazy! Oddly enough, I no longer notice when glasses people do or do not wear their glasses. And by "notice," I mean "think to myself, 'Whoa, who even are you??'" That might be college, though, where people take their glasses on or off based on the event, the reading level, and how badly they abused their contacts this week.

      And some days, I'm with you -- I think my glasses make me look super awesome. And some days, they seem like picture frames around a less-than-picturesque puffy eye problem. o.O

      I love how crazy different our perspectives are!! :D


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