Me with Glasses10:55 AM
I feel self-conscious when I wear glasses. Not in a negative sense. I'm just extremely conscious that a plastic contraption is sitting on my face. It bothers me when the plastic contraption slides even just a teensy bit down my nose. I push it splat against my face. It probably makes me look weird.
The other things glasses makes me self-conscious about is sight in general. My waning eyesight has opened my eyes (har har har) to the unique predicaments of other humans around me.
When I'm talking to someone with glasses, for instance, I sometimes lose track of what they're saying because I'm staring at their glasses: "Do I look as good in glasses as you do? Do I look as goofy in glasses as you do? How blind are you? Are you staring at my glasses thinking the same thing too?"
When I'm talking to someone without glasses, I also lose track of the conversation: "They must have perfect eyesight. I miss perfect eyesight. What is like to see again? I want to see. Life isn't fair. Do I look stupid in glasses?"
And don't get me started about looking at people from awkward angles in order to peer around my frames. That's when I really get self-conscious in the full-blown negative sense. I don't have goggle eyes in real life, I promise!
Ironically, I went through this stage of wanting to wear glasses -- the borderline hipster ones that scream, "I AM SO ACADEMIC MY EYESIGHT CAN'T HANDLE IT." I finally would fit in with all the cool kids. Now, as I sit in philosophy class trying to be so hip, I can't help but notice that hardly anyone wears glasses. Especially not cheap black frames that strayed away from its hipster common ancestor. Hey, they were $9. I couldn't say no.
The optometrist says I need only wear glasses during class and while driving, anytime when I need perfect vision. I think that's a cruel thing to suggest...because I still think of my eyesight as mostly perfect, so I leave my glasses in my room, so I can't see the PowerPoint at random birth control lectures that my friend coaxes me to attend last minute. (It's okay. I didn't want to see some of those slides, anyway.)
I ran home to grab my glasses when my church all of sudden decided to project the song lyrics on the screen. Good thing, too, or I would've been improvising the lyrics hardcore. Also, I needed a three-minute hard run in the spring air. In a maxi skirt. Which I almost tripped on. Broken face, perfect eyesight -- it's a toss up.
The worst thing about glasses is leaving them behind when holding a conversation with a person whose face is more than six inches away (i.e. everybody). They seem distant and warped. I feel disconnected from them and the HD of their pores.
Still, I keep hoping my glasses are just a passing fad and that I really do have great eyesight. I've just tricked myself into seeing poorly because I wanted to look collegiate, yes? Whenever my glasses are on my face, I'm pulling them up and down, up and down, to see clearly, poorly, clearly, poorly. It astonishes me how a blurry scribble turns out to be next week's homework assignment written on the board.
It's miraculous enough that it keeps me entertained all throughout class. An unexpected blessing of glasses, I guess.
Do you wear glasses? No?
What are your pet peeves about them?