Why I Would Not Make a Great Female Protagonist10:10 AM
Not the chick flick kind. . .
- I'm a realist.
- I would never kiss a guy until we've been dating forever. (And what's the point of a chick flick without some sort of awkwardly prolonged kiss to seal the deal?)
- I try to fix my neurotic quirks. I'm not OCD.
- I don't binge-eat when I'm stressed.
- My morning toilette takes ten minutes. Time me. Fine, twelve.
- I don't wear cute clothes...unless my roomie lets me steal hers.
- I don't like chocolate or coffee.
Not the strong female kind. . .
- I find crying a viable and effective solution to life's problems.
- I gave up on publishing my writing.
- I'm not clever. When I am, it's by accident. That's why I can laugh at my own jokes.
- I'm not witty. Someone says a hilarious insult, and my mind goes churning for a witty response. Nothing. Zilch. "Oh, that's a good one! I -- can't think of anything witty to say in response." Blank stare. "Sorry."
- Guys do not find me attractive. When I'm bossy, they hate me. When I'm ugly, they avoid me. Elizabeth Bennet's reverse charm does not work for me.
- I'm a failure at self-defense. If a guy came at me with a knife, I would be dead. I would not switch into my ninja mode. I would just die.
- I don't like physical exertion in general. Leave me behind in battle, please. I'd rather hold a baby.
- I'm not unbelievably talented in one concentrated area.
- I am not opposed to screaming or holding someone's hand when I get scared...which happens frequently.
- I don't like being alone.
- I like being dependent if it means I get to keep my man.
Basically, from what these lists tell me, I belong in a chick flick more than an action/drama/historical crisis flick. All the feminists would decry the stories in which I starred. . .even though I really don't like chocolate or coffee, guys. I promise.