Why I Would Not Make a Great Female Protagonist

10:10 AM

Not the chick flick kind. . .
  • I'm a realist.
  • I would never kiss a guy until we've been dating forever. (And what's the point of a chick flick without some sort of awkwardly prolonged kiss to seal the deal?)
  • I try to fix my neurotic quirks. I'm not OCD. 
  • I don't binge-eat when I'm stressed. 
  • My morning toilette takes ten minutes. Time me. Fine, twelve.
  • I don't wear cute clothes...unless my roomie lets me steal hers.
  • I don't like chocolate or coffee.
Not the strong female kind. . .
  • I find crying a viable and effective solution to life's problems.
  • I gave up on publishing my writing.
  • I'm not clever. When I am, it's by accident. That's why I can laugh at my own jokes.
  • I'm not witty. Someone says a hilarious insult, and my mind goes churning for a witty response. Nothing. Zilch. "Oh, that's a good one! I -- can't think of anything witty to say in response." Blank stare. "Sorry."
  • Guys do not find me attractive. When I'm bossy, they hate me. When I'm ugly, they avoid me. Elizabeth Bennet's reverse charm does not work for me.
  • I'm a failure at self-defense. If a guy came at me with a knife, I would be dead. I would not switch into my ninja mode. I would just die. 
  • I don't like physical exertion in general. Leave me behind in battle, please. I'd rather hold a baby. 
  • I'm not unbelievably talented in one concentrated area. 
  • I am not opposed to screaming or holding someone's hand when I get scared...which happens frequently. 
  • I don't like being alone.
  • I like being dependent if it means I get to keep my man. 
Basically, from what these lists tell me, I belong in a chick flick more than an action/drama/historical crisis flick. All the feminists would decry the stories in which I starred. . .even though I really don't like chocolate or coffee, guys. I promise. 

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4 impressions

  1. Oh, same here! I like to think that I'd be an awesome, kick-butt heroine if I were in novel or film - but let's face it, I'd "just die", like you so perfectly put it.

    This is such a great post :)

  2. You are too clever and hilarious. You still didn't lose your witty quips that you were perusing in your blog history last night. =)

    I laughed.
    And I'm sick. :D

    I'm definitely more chick-flick than you. So, if we star together, we'll make up for each others differences.

    And you're not ugly. Stop listening to Erich.
    Bossy, maybe. ;)

  3. This made me smile. Which is a very nice thing on a Friday morning. Thanks! :-)


  4. omg, ditto. altho, i tend to be a lot more chick-flicky haha


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