The Joys of Cashiering

12:21 PM

/// cleaning public restrooms -- including getting access to the special key that unlocks the toilet paper thingie

/// walking up the aisle straightening boxes of candy. . .walking down the aisle and re-straightening the ones that magically moved when I turned my back

/// closing the cash register drawer before I gave somebody his change

/// getting a high five from a happy customer

/// being rescued from crazy customers by kind people

/// bursting into laughter with a whole line of people over a random melodramatic exit another customer makes

/// learning that certain sweet older men who call you "darling" become infuriated very quickly when the sales price doesn't ring up

/// terrifying awkward teenage males with my friendliness

/// the little kid who bought a wrestling magazine and demonstrated how he would swagger out the door

/// that awkward moment when the customer starts ranting against homosexuals like a Westboro Baptist. . .or against conservatives -- just smile and nod

/// freaking out customers by greeting them with "Welcome to Walgreens!" or popping out from behind the cash register because I'm so small

/// my favorite manager calling me on the head register phone while dealing with a scary, talkative customer: "Just smile and nod and pretend like you're having the most important conversation in your life" -- and then later, "If he ever creeps you out, just keep staring at me. I'll come over and rescue you."

/// working with all women

/// my coworker laughing at me as she sends me on a death trip-of-no-return to put away a basket full of random medicines

/// the older lady (whom I'd never, ever seen before in my life) who intercepted me with an affectionately long hug, that developed into a kiss (ack, the bad breath), and then a sincere encouragement to "keep having a good day." Well. I was having a good day. . . .

Favorite Awkward Customer Story (So Far)

/// I refused a cigarette sale to a very tall, slightly overweight young man in a blue t-shirt because he didn't have his id on hand. He threatened to go across the street to the gas station -- "And then you'd lose the sale." In the middle of my second refusal, he abruptly left. I canceled everything, put the cigarettes back, and breathed.

He came back later that day. In the same shirt-style -- but now it was red. He was buying wine. Which I also couldn't sell because I'm underage. Anyway, a manager came and rang up the sale, and right as I handed him his change, he wiped his brow and hair, leaving his palm glistening thickly with sweat.

I pulled back, gingerly gave him the money, and turned away my gaze so as not to see the dollar bills soak up human perspiration.

And then I struggled not to keel over laughing. I really do love my job.

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5 impressions

  1. I am once again reminded why I am so, so glad I never worked in retail.

    Well-done, funny post. Thanks! :-D

    Adele

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  2. You DO make the cutest cashier ever. Hannah, Sarah and I were DYING of laughter at your bubbliness. =)

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  3. Oh my goodness....hehehe. Working with the public. I know the joys. But the stories are priceless and they totally (almost) make up for the horrifying. :-)

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  4. The toilet paper key, eh? That's some serious responsibility. They don't hand those out to just anybody.

    And sorry...those were probably *my* kids in the candy aisle.

    Okay, not really. But we've been there three times since you've started working and I didn't see you. I'll have to look more carefully behind the cash register next time.

    P.S. One of the pharmacists there homeschools her son (Sam's age). Have you met her yet? Her name is Shantel.

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