Nobodies

11:38 PM

I think knowing who you are means stripping away all the things with which you define yourself. There's a lot of pieces to me that make up who I am but aren't actually who I am at the core. I take them off, brick by brick, like taking apart Lego creations.

Popular girl -- take away the group that puts you at the center.

Pretty girl -- but what happens when I get older?

Smart girl -- until someone else trots along who's smarter.

Good girl -- except that I'm not, really.

Helpful girl -- yet sometimes I'm not needed as much as I would like to be.

Writer girl -- minus the fact that sometimes I don't write.

As I take apart everything that I think makes me me, I get scared that I'm. . .nobody. That I'm made of nothing in the end. That I'm like an atom: made mostly of space with disconnected electrons and neutrons and protons dancing around the nothingness.

Still, I need to know. I need to know if I'm nothing, and if I'm something, I need to know what that something is.

What makes a person a person? Her personality? Her face? Her health? Her faith? Her beliefs? Her dreams? Her quirks, her affection of dill pickles, her straight A's? What she thinks of herself? What others think of her?

And then I start thinking, Where does Christ fit in? Because it's no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me, right? Is He the core? Or is He another Lego brick? And what happens if Christ doesn't live in a person? What then is the core to that sort of person?

I don't have an answer, except that so far, as I take apart all the Lego bricks, I'm not finding anything beneath. Could it be that a person's a person only when she's all together, when she possesses all her paradoxes of good/bad, smart/dumb, special/ordinary? Is it not even wise to try to tear myself apart and categorize the Lego bricks? Maybe the people I rub into and the places I live in and the communities I inhabit and the beliefs I hold and the pains I've experienced and the loves I've shared -- maybe that's all a crucial part of me, a part I don't need to try to tear away from in order to "figure out who I am."

Do I even need to know who I am, if I know who He is? For if He truly lives within me and if He's supreme, then perhaps that's all that matters. For in Him I live and breathe and have my being. It's certainly not a truth that makes one a nobody. If I cling to that, I'm definitely something -- and in the end, that's all I need to know.

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4 impressions

  1. Excellent! As young as you are with as much insight as you have - you have not even scratched the surface of how God is going to use you. Stay humble - stay grateful - stay right in the palm of His hand..and He will take you places you have only dreamed of. Be blessed little one.
    Christian (that's actually my name - female) from MD

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  2. Forgive me if I'm trite, because I don't mean to be. I just hear echoes of my own growing up in your wonderings, so here goes:

    I think you are made of Legos, but it's not the Legos that are important. It's the one who built you with the Legos. . .and built you after His own image. You're important because you are His creation, His unique and individual build, and every facet of who you are reflects in some small way part of who He is. Bearing the image of the only living God is no small honor.

    And what I clung to through those tenuous moments when I wondered why I was even alive was "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I didn't make me; God did. He's not done making me, and He will continue to make me, until the day He brings all His work to completion.

    Who you are is changing--one brick for another, more here, less there--and will continue to change, for the rest of your life. At the core, you are a child of the living God, being shaped ever more into His likeness as you grow. The Legos are only changing your shape, not defining who you are.

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  3. ahhh isn't being analytical such a curse AND a blessing? ;)

    love the truth in this though; who we are and where Christ is (and where He should) fit in the big picture.

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  4. And the next question is, what does that mean exactly? When I've taken it down and said that Christ is the center then what should I look like? What is a Biblical woman?

    I've been struggling a lot lately with theology similar to Gabe's at All Authority. You put all of my struggles into words except that one, so I thought I'd add it. I don't have the answers.

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