Energizer Bunny

6:11 PM

I grew up reading devotionals, magazines and blogs by and for the frazzled homeschool mother of five under five. (Anything seemed more appealing than solving a geometry proof after lunchtime.) Two life lessons stuck with me.

Number One. Life is hard and exhausting -- bone-numbingly, brain-shatteringly exhausting. Exhaustion spills out of every pore and crevice. No escape, no break, no mama nap time.

Number Two. In light of the fact, forget about complaining, stuff the exhaustion back into the crevices, find joy and just accept the fact that at this point in your life, God doesn't want you to sleep or rest or get away.

Both could be rolled up into one terrifying warning: Me Time -- anything that involves getting away from life and people -- is the biggest, biggest sin for the woman who wants to serve God. Grin and bear it. Grow up. It's known as spiritual maturity. Only wimps crack under the pressure.

I don't have five kids under the age of five, but at age eighteen, with a full course-load, friends who depend on me, spiritual issues, unnecessary drama and the struggle of trying to tie a smile around the whole lot, I crack easily. I'm tired. I literally cannot keep up with life. I fall asleep skimming my heritage reader for the 8 am class quickly approaching.

For most of these past two semesters, I adhered to the Frazzled Mama Mantra -- don't you dare bend. Don't break. Go above and beyond. Dig deeper into your friend's problems, into your own problems, into your chemistry homework and find the joy buried at the very bottom. I stayed up later, listened longer and skipped lunch and then dinner and then an entire night's sleep and then naptime....

Nothing got any better -- issues remained, exhaustion ruled over everything and homework didn't magically disappear.

Then one day, the greatest tragedy of the semester occurred. Brace yourselves: I slept through every single one of my Wednesday classes. A reminder alarm for a meeting with my English prof kept me from snoring away an entire Wednesday. I stumbled around my room, chanting over and over, "Bailey doesn't sleep through her classes, she doesn't, she doesn't, she's not that kind of person."

I'll spare you the exact blow-by-blow of my emotions. Suffice it to say that my friends found my narcolepsy far more entertaining than I did.

I praise God for that too-quiet alarm, that utter exhaustion that kept me fast asleep. Why? I learned the truth about rest, about breaks, about getting away from craziness, people and problems: the allegedly selfish me-time forbidden in every single homeschool handbook is absolutely crucial to a proper relationship with God.

God created my body and my need for sleep just as assuredly as He created the new spirit within me. The "lesser" things like emotions, stress levels, brain and tiredness? He cares about them. In fact, once upon a time, He mandated His people to observe a day of total rest from the world's cares -- on the pain of death. This wasn't just an intellectual or spiritual rest where the community sat in circle and sang kumbayah. It involved physical rest from washing dishes and daily jobs. Perhaps it was because I pushed myself beyond normal physical capacity, but this strict taboo on physical work sat wrong with me. It seemed legalistic at worst and unnecessary at best.

My accidental day off solved the confusion. Think about the act of sleeping -- deep, deep sleep. You're totally helpless. You're trusting that nobody's going to bludgeon you in your sleep. You're not working, striving or solving problems (though, to be honest, I have completed theses while dead asleep). You've surrendered your ability or need to figure things out or act. This position of physical rest mirrors the position of spiritual rest. Surrendering of control. Trust. Stillness. Silence. Listening.

It seems selfish, really -- I accomplished nothing for anyone while sound asleep. I accomplished nothing for God, even. Sleep was purely for my benefit alone (though a well-rested Bailey might theoretically be more pleasant for the general population). Still, God created humanity with this built-in need to rest and do absolutely nothing.

Long story short: I learned that selfish "me-time," when done properly and for the right reasons, is actually an act of trust and surrender. When I refuse to allow people's problems to take up every single free moment in my schedule, I give up control of their lives and my part in their lives. I surrender my idea of my awesome ability to solve problems. I allow God to work directly. When I slave away on a paper that just isn't turning out perfectly, turning in at midnight instead of pulling an all-nighter becomes an expression of surrender: "So I'm not as smart and wonderful as I thought. I'll sleep off my stupidity and hopefully awake with fresher ideas." When I'm in the midst of crunch time, taking time to pray, talk about Jesus or worship with fellow believers displays a trust that seeking first the kingdom of God really does add all these other things.

I'm not strong enough to be an Energizer Bunny. So I sleep, and I take breaks, and I say no to things that drain my energy. Sometimes finding God's strength in my weakness means quitting the scene entirely to curl up in armchair by myself and breathe the free air -- figuratively and literally speaking.

You Might Also Like

12 impressions

  1. I hope that you get a lot of rest over spring break! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Psa 127:1 Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
    Psa 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

    I'm glad the burden of the world isn't on our shoulders. Good post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very, very true, Bailey. As I was reading a book by a pastor's wife written for other women married to men in ministry (I'm married to a worship leader who will be pursuing a life of church-planting in the future), one thing she said was that is was GOOD to have "me time". Every person needs to rest, to re-energize. A person who takes to time to rest and relax is going to get more done more efficiently than someone who is running around on empty.

    Glad you found this out, even if it took sleeping through classes to help you realize it. You make me laugh, Bailey. Sorry if you didn't find it amusing at first... since it really is... ;-)

    Blessings!
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is a good lesson to remember! And I'm sure you'll get lots of rest and some me time during spring break - I know Bethany was SO excited.

    ReplyDelete
  5. OHMYGOSH I'VE MISSED THIS! posts from bailey are my favorites. :)

    get some rest, dear one! you sound like you need it!

    (love this post, btw. so much truth in it.)

    can't wait for our skype date!

    xx.
    ak

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amen, Amen, Amen!

    I absolutely agree with you; my God is not only good because He helps me push through the hard hours but because He also lets me rest...either my soul or my body.

    I don't know if I'm making sense . . . since I just finished my midterm paper and it's past the time of glass slippers and carriages.

    Have a blessed spring break!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So true. Even Jesus called His disciples to "Come away and rest a while" after they had a period of intensive spiritual/physical/mental "exercise"! Maybe in heaven we won't need to sleep--but in the meantime rest is a lovely gift from Him! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is something I need to work on. I feel worthless, wicked, and selfish if I'm not helping others or working every single minute. And since this week I am working a midnight shift for the first time in my life... I'm gonna need to shut it all out and sleep.
    I'm glad you are figuring this out. :) Isn't it wonderful when God uses something we would think is bad for good? Like letting you sleep through classes in order to teach you?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sleep is surrender...
    I never thought of it that way before, that perhaps refusing to rest is refusing to trust God! It makes sense: God created our bodies to need sleep. Therefore, we should sleep. God is powerful enough to handle any problems that might arise while we're unconscious.
    Thank you for this insightful and encouraging word, Bailey!
    <><

    ReplyDelete
  10. get some sleep and you'll feel better

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you so much for this post Bailey! We should not feel guilty that we are human and need rest. I've always found it greatly comforting that Jesus Himself had to rest, and take some time to be alone.

    Reminds me of how a friend and I were discussing how Scripture says that Jesus cares, that He understands everything we're going through. A year ago this month she miscarried her and her husband's first baby. As she was crying, and crying out to the Lord, one night as her husband drove home from church, she thought about this and and couldn't understand. How could Jesus, a man, understand the pain of losing a baby? How was it possible that Jesus could fathom such an experience? Then she remembered- God had to bear the pain of parting from His own Son. He had to lose His Child for 33 years, and watch Him be cruelly beaten and killed for crimes He didn't commit. God comforted my dear friend that night, and reminded her that He really DOES get it. Whatever the 'it' in your life may be, it does not surprise Him. He'll walk us through and give us the grace and strength we need for each moment. What a comforting thought!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bailey,
    I know this post is a couple months old, but I thought of it when I read this very insightful article: http://tgc-documents.s3.amazonaws.com/cci/Sallade.pdf It was written by a student ministry leader at Princeton and applies to many high school and college students.

    ReplyDelete

Hit me with your best thought! I'm very interested in your unique perspective. If you'd like to discuss things in private, feel free to email me! :)