Pick Your Romance3:48 AM
|If you're ever anxious to meet me, watch Tangled. I've been told Rapunzel and I are eerily similar -- minus the hair.|
1. Prince Stalking? I noticed a fascinatingly odd occurrence in Disney princess movies after wasting an afternoon on such (admittedly fun) frivolity. The innocent heroine wanders alone, oblivious to her beauty and grace, as the bug-eyed prince runs to snatch her from solitude. They dance together, with little to no apology on his part for seizing her hand and frightening her half to death. In that split moment of meeting up with a handsome stranger who appeared out of nowhere and whose first introduction was to put his hand around her Disney-thin waist, she falls helplessly in love. Perhaps I'm too cynical, but my gut reaction to a Prince Stalking would not be coos and blushes. And no, "We met in our dreams" is not at all a rational answer, sir. Unhand me at once.
2. Love (and Girls) Are Getting More Demanding. Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty waited demurely for her prince to come. All she required was that he be handsome, royal and willing to kiss her upon introduction -- posthumously, if need be. Lately, relationships have become more complicated. Jasmine, Mulan, Belle and Tiana will not settle for the first man who comes striding (or hopping) along. The whole of the story involves working through fights, misunderstandings and offences on both sides. Apparently, modern girls like their princes with a bit of failure and their princesses with a bit of attitude.
3. But Perhaps It Isn't. It amazes me how alluring thieves are to princesses.
4. Arguing Is the Food of Love. If I could offer Jane Austen newbies a bit of advice, it would be the opposite of Emma Woodhouse's: "Men like women who argue." At any time you are confused about who will marry who in the end, just count up how many arguments the heroine has had with other male characters, tally the results and see who she hates most. That's the man she'll marry. The moral of Pride & Prejudice and Emma is that if you yell enough at a man, he'll fall hopelessly in love with you.
5. Marriage Is Completely Unromantic. I wonder who first invented the rule that the ending of the romantic tale started at the wedding. I have read a couple "romances" that attempted to start at the wedding, but there's a reason Portrait of a Lady never became a Disney movie.