Waiting on the Lord: Writers' Edition7:30 AM
I frustratingly rubbed my forehead as I sat in front of the glaring computer screen, annoyed and irritated....at myself.
"Why can't you come up with anything good, Alexxus?" I lectured myself. "You need to get your juices flowing again. Do something except just sit there with a blank look on your face!"
Let me set the scene for you. I was sitting. In my pajamas. Trying. To. Type.
Anything would work. Anything. Just so long as it sounded good and meshed well.
With what, you ask? I answer: My book. Saved. The book I had been working on for what seemed like decades, but hadn't even been in progress for a year yet.
It had been weeks since I had sat down and wrote anything productive on my poor Microsoft Word. M'dear Elizabeth Woodrow had been home from the youth rally for almost two months now.
"It's Your book, God," I mumbled out loud. "I'm writing this for You. You think of something."
I sat. I sincerely believed suddenly the roof was going to part and heaven was going to come down and give me a sure-fire ending. I sat. My fingers were lightly resting on our black keyboard, ready at any moment to speed type my way to the perfect ending.
Five minutes later: I was still sitting.
Ten minutes later: Still sitting.
Fifteen minutes later: I had typed a few paragraphs, but quickly slammed the backspace key as I realized it was not it. Still sitting.
It was at the twenty minute mark when I finally exited out of Microsoft Word and stormed frustratedly to my room. Nothing.
Another day. The same thing. Nothing.
That night (as nighttime is my deep-thinking time as I am curled up under my warm blanket) as I lay there, I sent a message via-mind to God:
Where are You?
Most people say this infamous phrase when they are in financial trouble, a tragic happening has befallen upon them, or some other terrible event has taken place.
I was saying it for a book. A book I had dedicated to my Savior from the very beginning.
I wrote like thunder when the book was in the beginning and middle. But the ending, things took such a sharp stop that I went into shock. Writer's shock.
I felt as if God had suddenly left me. I was making myself believe that He had ditched me and Saved. Had I done something wrong? Was God punishing me for something I had done in contradiction to the book?
I didn't know.
It was only then that I realized that God hadn't left me out in the dark with this book. He was still here, in all His glory. I had just become impatient. I was putting a deadline on God's perfect timing.
I realized I was in God's waiting room. I don't know what for - maybe I need to learn a lesson or go through something before I could finish my book. I had to remember that this was His book, for His glory. Not mine. It was not when I wanted it to be done so I could accomplish something, but when He wanted it to be done in His perfect timing.
After suddenly coming upon this revelation, I thought I had learned my lesson.
But as a failing, sinful, imperfect human, I fell back into the same trap. Becoming terribly impatient, I "thought" I had come along with the perfect ending.
I was convinced it was perfect. I was convinced that it was from God.
Remember this: Nothing is ever from God if you are having to force yourself there, opening doors that are not meant to be opened. In the end, you're going to end up in a big, hideous mess that God will lovingly pull you out of. That's how good He is.
I realized after wasting so much time with this "perfect" ending that I was not following God's Will. Which was to wait.
I was not waiting.
So thus, a few days ago, I asked God for forgiveness and with a small smile on my face, I backspaced my "perfect" ending. Which I realized was not so perfect after all.
And now, I am where I was before. I am having a case of "Writer's Block" but with a new attitude. I am willing now to wait for God's perfect timing.
And that's what will get me to my perfect ending....God's perfect ending.