Unsocialized Homeschoolers' Gazette

7:30 AM


Being home schooled, I'm very prone to culture shock. I go through life thinking that all is good and wonderful, that the average kid on the street isn't that weird, that except for a few differences here and there we all click in the end. And then bam.

You know the saying, "You learn something new every day"?

That's right, folks. I learned something new today. Join me in the first and only



One less lonely girl

IN A TOWN NEAR YOU -- There are times when even living under a rock cannot keep out the flood of Outsideness. Recently, homeschoolers have become acquainted (more intimately than they would like) with a certain young pop star named Justin Bieber.

The author of this periodical first noticed him at Walmart, plastered across girls' t-shirts, girls' shoes, girls' sleepwear, girls' sheets and everything else girls could wear or curl up in. That exposure increased after a brief perusal of Wikipedia and Grooveshark, combined with the valiant disgust of other homeschooled girls who declared he sang like one. (Without the "homeschooled" part, to be sure.)

The author, who now takes on the pseudonym I for easier retelling, recently engaged in several close encounters with said icon due to my work with public schooled kindergartners. Why I, who was not able to escape conversations on Hannah Montana, thought I could dodge Justin Bieber is beyond me. I came home complaining that one of my kindergartners bought a Justin Bieber poster at the Scholastic book fair. It was the combined facts that she chose him and then chose him over a sappy meaningless book (but a book nonetheless) that incensed me.

But even such sacrilege has its funny side.

I sat at the little blue table, only slightly irritated with the flying cubes that we were supposed to be counting (the most extreme of kindergarten remedial work - I say that affectionately, as it's easier than convincing a six-year-old that Z is not a number). I sat there, I say, with Hannah Montana-Crazed Young Lady on my left and Justin Bieber Poster Buyer on my right. Cute girls, one and all. In kindergarten, we never pay much attention to work, and the conversation wandered away from counting out nine cubes to this:

JBPB: Miss Bailey, do you have a boyfriend?

ME: Uh, no. Count out nine blocks for me.

JBPB: Why not?

ME: I don't need one.

JBPB: I want to be Justin Bieber's girlfriend.

ME: [amused silence]

JBPB [cont., dreamily]: He looks at me all the time.

ME: [amused silence?]

HMCYL: Yeah, he looks at me too! I love Justin Bieber.

JBPB: He looks at me whenever I watch him on TV.

ME: Awesome. Let's get back to work.

Forget one less lonely girl. There are two lonely girls awaiting their Pop Charming.


Of run-on sentences and self-expression

IN A TOWN NEAR YOU -- You might wonder what grammar and self-expression are doing in the same sentence, but I'll tell you plain: both have broken out of the gates and run amuck. If one lifts the rules on grammar, the sentences make no sense and reflect poor educational upbringing. If one lifts the rules on self-expression, the expression makes no sense and reflects poor educational upbringing.

Both are nicely demonstrated by the local high school newspaper. I give them credit that it was more interesting than the daily paper that day - certainly more electrifying, if that is a good thing.

Regarding run-on sentences, all the paragraphs included at least one, unless they were the run-on sentence themselves. "Stealing" became "steeling." This is no slight to the English staff, who are awesome and who judged a speech I gave in a contest and were so supportive that they wanted me to take their classes. (Not because I needed remedial work, you understand me.) It must have something to do with the article on the back of the paper, stuck between the review of "Call of Duty: Black Ops" and the full-length article on jeggings and Ugg boots: the one about iPods and cell phones in class.

But I digress. At least the graphic design was decent. And I know nothing about journalism, except what my reporter friend told me about never writing an article in anything but the third person. Thus it was interesting to note that the editorials were far more objective than the news articles.
Especially the one on body piercings. Did you know that the primary three reasons teenagers get piercings are - not fashion, no (how absurd) - but (1) they like piercings, (2) it's a form of self-expression and (3) they like rebelling against their parents? Oh, don't take the reporter's word for it. She has eyewitness reports. Her parents "several times" refused to let her pierce her tongue - "I did it anyway."

[standing ovation]

Unfortunately, there is only so much room in a paper, and thus I cannot tell you about the posters on classroom walls - one of which was such a culture shock that I nearly flubbed my speech right at the beginning. Homeschoolers, beware - it's a strange world out there. Especially if you view it in one day.

Written tongue-in-cheek,

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20 impressions

  1. I totally agree with you on the subjects. It's like "COME ON PEOPLE!" I once saw a video that showed a like three-year-old girl CRYING because she listened to Justin Beiber's music. Ew.



    P.S. How did your speech go?

  2. My friend told me about a YouTube video in which a four-year-old explained she was in love with Justin Bieber and that she knew he was in love with her too.

    Apparently there's a trend within the 3-7 age bracket.

    My speech went very well, though they misquoted me in the paper - it wasn't even grammatical!!!!!

  3. Wow - even Hannah wouldn't follow that conversation (much less me). What has this world come to if all the little "innocent" girls wistfully sigh over a singer. Aren't they a little young to dream about such things - that's so gross that everyone thinks that it is perfectly "hilarious" and "okay" for little girls to hope to get married to anyone!

    You handled it nicely though. I would've died. Seriously - a sweet little not-even-a-snaggle-tooth telling you she wants to be a girlfriend to so-and-so. *faints*

    As for the grammar - I'll let the highschool go off. I'm not going to condemn them. You can - you are the grammar queen. But moi... ;)


  4. On second note - that girl you posted a picture of needs to take a bath with pine oil - or put on some sort of eye shadow other than pinkish/red. It looks like she has joined the sleepless vampires (whom I already told you their cures. ;)

  5. I learned about Justin Bieber while at Vacation Bible School camp. With about 200 public schoolers. Every time a worship leader on stage uttered that mysterious name, everyone, or at least every girl, broke into screams. When I researched him (on Wikipedia, of course) I found him to be just a teenage boy. Who happens to sing well. Reasonably well.
    What's the deal?
    Wait, I'm asking the wrong person. I'll just go ask a public schooled girl. (:
    I enjoyed this post, by the way.

  6. Ah, the "Bieber Fever"...can't miss him just about wherever you go. Even the book section in stores. Did you see that he's already written an autobiography? Um, hello, Mr. Bieber, you're how old? 12? No wait, you just *sound* like a 12 year old and this somehow endears you to young girls everywhere. ;)

    Totally agree with you...great post!

  7. Okay, you do NOT want to get me started on Justin Bieber. Really, his voice is fair, at best. And he has girls all over falling in love with him. Why, ladies, must you obsess over a pop star! Sure, he's got like one or two decent songs but really? Sorry to anyone who likes him.
    I totally get where you are coming from. Our 8 year old neighbor loves him! She is always wearing her JB shirts! Anyway, great post!

  8. Wow/Yikes/Very Creative = BRAVO! (That sums it up pretty well...)

  9. Q: Um, what does Justin Bieber have to do with VBS?

    A: Come on, Bailey, isn't obvious???

    Or if there is a real answer, I'd be too terrified to know what it is.

    Erin, I considered writing an autobiography at age 12, and I'm terribly glad I did not. I wish him the best of luck.

    Maria - agreed.

  10. Oh - Floppeth, the moment I criticized the grammar, I knew someone was going to find a grammatical mistake in the post.

    I already found a space that didn't space. Extra brownie points to the one who can spot the typo(s)!

  11. By the way, this is my 100th post. Cool, no?

  12. 100th post? Congratulations!

    As for the grammar, I did notice that you wrote "one less girl" - it's "fewer" for things that can be counted. =)

    We're talking about Justin Bieber? Oh, yeah. There's a lot to say on that point, isn't there? I think it's already been said, however.
    At the VBS camp there was an onstage discussion about who people thought were great artists. "And who's that little guy everybody's crazy about? Oh, yeah ... Justin Bieber." *Crazed screams.*
    (By the way, Aemi and I are sisters.)
    The thing I think most strongly about him is - I feel really, really sorry for him. Every time I see one of his blank stare posters where he obviously thinks he's so cool, I have to think, "Poor guy!" It's just SAD that he thinks this is the thing to do - that it's cool to be weird and have girls from 4 to 18 be crazy about him. It isn't.


    P.S. An autobiography? I hadn't heard that one. Sheesh, dude.

  13. Ha! I knew ya'll were sisters. How fun. :o)

    This time I can smugly place the blame for poor grammar on Justin Bieber. It's a pun on one of the few songs I've listened to of him: "One Less Lonely Girl."

    Though actually, I never even thought about its ungrammaticalness. *blush*

  14. I do not understand the Justin Bieber craze. I guess with every "celebrity" they want to make the bucks before their 15 minutes of fame runs out. I am just thankful my 6 year old daughter isn't anything like this. She attends public school, but I haven't seen the other kindergarten girls acting like that either... yet.

    At VBS this past summer, our theme was time travel and all of us volunteers had to come up with a "professor name" for our name tags. The high school girl volunteers all chose something with Bieber in it. They said it was the rage right now so they like him. When they said that I thought what a shame that they choose to like something just because others do and not because they truly do. (Last year it was Hannah Montana, the year before that it was the Jonas brothers.)

  15. I have to laugh, you are so funny! Even publicly educated children have culture shock. My sweet 11 year old is constantly bombarded with "Justin," but remains true to John Denver, Bee Gees, and other music that we listen to here at home. She came downstairs yesterday morning requesting us to kill her now because "Justin" was in her dreams!!! She was horrified! Her much older sisters and her parents still have more influence over what she listens to, her Heavenly Father still has more influence over the things she believes. She dresses modestly, listens to good wholesome music, reads out of the best books, and watches good programs. Not only her, but her sisters as well who also educated in public schools.

    Pam in Brussels, Belgium

  16. @Jessica It must be her mother's influence. It makes all the difference in who a girl fawns after. ;o)

    Now I don't know what's worse - a six-year-old in love with Justin Bieber or a sixteen-year-old.

    @Holloway Family Bee Gees?

    LOL! Your daughter's too cute. :o)

  17. I liked this post very much, Bailey. It was very funny and very relatable. But I must admit, at age eight, I too was in love and set to marry a very famous young man. His name was Orlando Bloom, that's all I'm going to say...:)

    I'm curious, what papers at school are you talking about?


  18. Orlando Bloom. You couldn't have been more original? *wink* ((hugs)) LOL!

    I meant the school newspaper. Mum found a stack lying on the table in the English pod commons.

  19. Ah...Justin Bieber. My best friend in NE is a "Belieber". *Eyeroll* I am almost tempted to send this to her. But I better not....*wink*

    Justin Bieber has never appealed to me. I don't understand why everybody screams when his name is mentioned....it's like the way Jesus' name should be.


    "Introducing, the number-one-king of the whole UNIVERSE!!!!!! Let me here you shout for....JESUS - CHRIST!!!!!!" *Girls from all around the world with the new knowledge of this amazing Savior begin to faint and swoon over this amazing guy. Guys shout praises.*

    *Shakes head*

    Well anyways, it's not like that'll happen for a LONG time....


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