I Got Nothin'10:09 AM
For the hundredth time, I shut the door of my room, closed to the house at large, silent outside. Tempestuous inside. Bailey, just calm down. Bailey, stay joyful. Bailey, what on earth have you done to your life?
And I hear myself crying inside, babbling to myself a mixture of blame and comfort, rationalization and confusion - everything I have learned and everything I have experienced. It comes to nothing - to me. To anyone.
I got nothin'.
No wisdom. No insight. Too deep into my problems to see the way out yet. Too fresh out of my lessons to fully understand them.
I got nothin' to bring to the table. Not a bit. Not a scrap.
Were I to say anything, it would be the same as nothing, as a hypocrite's words. If I am quiet here, you know the reason why.
But He knows everything. Infallible. Unchangeable. Ominiscient in His very being. I stop up my torrent. I go to His Word. I stop trying to offer something, something perfect, something good. I just listen.
Because I got nothin'.
When I have learned to put God's Word in my mouth and my heart, then I will be back to say something...something that actually matters in the world. Something that makes a difference. Something that shows the depths of God's love and wisdom and not my shallow fallibility. Something...that multiplies my nothin' into a harvest.