Inadequate

8:40 PM


Mission: To hold down the fort for four days while Mum and Daddy pick up our Marine in San Diego.

Intrepid Adventurers: My grandmamma and Floppeth.

Problem: I can't do it. Not just this...not only caring for six children and this house. I just can't do this homemaking thing - this task of making a home. I'm not cut out for it. I feel like I cannot function by myself, without my mother, a little lonely, a little overwhelmed.

How I'll ever manage on my own when married I'll never know.

I imagine myself sitting quietly on the couch, looking around a pristine, empty house (pre-children, you know) and swallowing back this sense of fear and inadequacy. Am I allowed to read? Am I allowed to write? Am I allowed to call my husband and tell him to come home because I am afraid of this whole homemaking business?

I just can't do it. Not without my mother - not alone - not as unskilled as I am.

And I want to cry and tell my mom to fly home or give me some words of wisdom on the phone, but she's busy over there. I want to call a motherly person but that seems like cheating...like giving up...like showing my inadequacy.

I hung up the phone and went back to vacuuming. I can't do this. I'll fail. I'm afraid.

But I must do it. And if I must do it, I cannot do it depressed and fearful. I can do it - not by myself, no - with the power of Christ Jesus Who called me to this task.

I can do all things that He has commanded; He gives unlimited strength and rest and just this joy that only Christians have and infrequently use. When we discover our inadequacy, we discover our humanity; and once we find that, we've opened our hearts to the possibility of a great God.

You are faithful to supply my need.
You are faithful to give me joy abundantly.
You are faithful to calm the storms of life for me.
You are faithful - You're all I need.
- Rachel Wissman

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5 impressions

  1. Deep breath - I was sorta wondering the same thing. I don't know how many more dirty diapers I can change!

    It's not that long... :)

    ~Bethany

    P.s. And Grandmama is motherly?

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  2. Yes, indeed, you can! You are going to be amazing too, and quite an influence to those who are gonna need it! What a wonderful example you are.

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  3. ((hugs)) Remember that annoying song, Flop? "I Will Survive"? It has nothing to do with diapers and housekeeping, but I feel like its mournful tune.

    Mrs. Howard, your comment kept me going for two days. Thank you so much. :o)

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  4. My dear 'sister', I am sure you did a wonderful job with the kids. Like I said a couple years ago, "You're going to be a great mom." Of course I've thought that many times, before and after that. I love ya!
    KT

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  5. Thank you, thank you Team Super Sisters! I am so grateful for ya'll's help while I was away. I felt confident that you had things under control and upon returning, I found a clean house, chores done, happy kids. I love you both: Bailey and Bethany (Super Grandmama, too!)

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