Mission: To hold down the fort for four days while Mum and Daddy pick up our Marine in San Diego.
Intrepid Adventurers: My grandmamma and Floppeth.
Problem: I can't do it. Not just this...not only caring for six children and this house. I just can't do this homemaking thing - this task of making a home. I'm not cut out for it. I feel like I cannot function by myself, without my mother, a little lonely, a little overwhelmed.
How I'll ever manage on my own when married I'll never know.
I imagine myself sitting quietly on the couch, looking around a pristine, empty house (pre-children, you know) and swallowing back this sense of fear and inadequacy. Am I allowed to read? Am I allowed to write? Am I allowed to call my husband and tell him to come home because I am afraid of this whole homemaking business?
I just can't do it. Not without my mother - not alone - not as unskilled as I am.
And I want to cry and tell my mom to fly home or give me some words of wisdom on the phone, but she's busy over there. I want to call a motherly person but that seems like cheating...like giving up...like showing my inadequacy.
I hung up the phone and went back to vacuuming. I can't do this. I'll fail. I'm afraid.
But I must do it. And if I must do it, I cannot do it depressed and fearful. I can do it - not by myself, no - with the power of Christ Jesus Who called me to this task.
I can do all things that He has commanded; He gives unlimited strength and rest and just this joy that only Christians have and infrequently use. When we discover our inadequacy, we discover our humanity; and once we find that, we've opened our hearts to the possibility of a great God.